Miss Congeniality
by phoenixnz
Summary: When Clark and Lois screw up on a story, Perry assigns them to the Miss Kansas pageant. A Smallville adaptation of a movie. NB: Clark and Lois aren't together as a couple in this story ... yet! Some things in canon did not happen, eg: ... oh well, you'll see.
1. Prologue

Prologue

It was inevitable that Lois Lane would grow up as something of a tomboy. She hadn't exactly had any decent female role models growing up. Not with a father who was a Colonel in the US Army when she was six and who would eventually be promoted to the rank of a four-star general.

Lois' mother, Ella, had died when she was six. Not knowing how to deal with two little girls, the then Colonel had executed the 'chain of command'. Lois was now the second-in-command and it was up to her to keep the grunts, aka four-year-old Lucy, in line.

At school, she would be the one defending her sister against bullies. Not to mention the other children. When Lois was nine, she and Lucy were enrolled in grade school in Misty Falls, Colorado. They had been at the school only a couple of months when a boy Lois liked got into a fight with one of the school bullies.

Lois, of course, had to go break up the fight. She hauled the bully off by the collar and pushed him. She wasn't that strong, but she had three years of lessons in karate, so she was able to hold her own.

The bully stared at her, his expression clearly showing his shock and annoyance at being pulled off one of the weaker kids by a mere girl. He scrambled to his feet and glared at her. He was barely an inch taller than her, so the glare wasn't all that effective.

"If you weren't a girl ..." he growled.

"Yeah? Yeah? What're you gonna do?"

"I'd beat your face off."

She stared at him, arms folded. "Oh yeah? Why don't you try it?"

"I will then!"

Lois launched herself at him, rolling on the ground with him, getting in a few good licks of her own before a teacher came and hauled her off. She had a split lip and the beginnings of a black eye, but still grinned triumphantly at the boy. He just squared his shoulders and glared venomously at her as he was led away.

The bully's victim was nowhere to be seen. That was the trouble with Lois. It didn't matter what she did. It was always wrong.

By the time she was an adult, Lois had had precisely two boyfriends. Both of them had been in the armed forces. Wes Keenan was a marine, which went a long way toward meeting the general's strict standards. The relationship, however, barely lasted through her losing her virginity. Wes had ended up being shipped off to Afghanistan and that was the end of that.

Journalism wasn't exactly her first choice as a career, but the last thing Lois had wanted was to follow in her father's footsteps and be just another army grunt. A brief stint at a school newspaper when she'd transferred in to Smallville High, working with her baby cousin Chloe at least steered her in an alternative direction.

The only proverbial fly in the ointment was one Clark Kent. To say that the farmboy was annoying was an understatement. There was no way Lois was ever going to fall for his 'aw shucks' manner or his farmboy charms. Even if he did have the hottest body in school. Lois had figured it must be all the hay bales he lifted that gave him all those muscles the girls tended to drool over. It seemed every girl in school had a crush on Clark. Not that he ever noticed.

It was ironic that Clark would end up being her best friend. They had been together through thick and thin. Whenever Lois got in trouble, he seemed to somehow manage to get her out of it, despite how much of a klutz he was. If she was hurting, he was always there to comfort her, and vice versa. He'd been there when she'd gone through a bad break-up and she'd been there when his father had died of a heart attack.

No one was surprised when, after college, they both ended up working for the same newspaper. Or that they always seemed to partner up on stories. Together, they made a formidable team.


	2. Chapter 1

Lois and Clark were on a stakeout. They had heard from one of their sources that a man was about to sell LexCorp secrets to a man connected to the Russian mafia. Neither one of them were huge fans of the billionaire, or his company, considering Lex was suspected of experimenting on people, but they couldn't allow someone to commit what amounted to industrial espionage either. Especially to one of Lex's competitors. With the weapons technology Lex's company was trying to develop, Lois thought, they just couldn't allow that in the hands of the Russian mafia. They might just go and start World War Three!

Lois sat in the booth at Mo's Diner, wondering why the thief had chosen this particular diner. Then again, Mo wasn't known for his high class clientele. Even the dining area left a lot to be desired. The building itself was shabby, the walls almost sagging on rusted nails, the paint, a sickly, garish yellow, peeling and flaking. The booths themselves had also seen better days, their leather seats, once almost maroon, now almost an insipid brown, faded with age, the leather cracked and torn.

Lois had decided to wear her thick dark chocolate brown hair up in a messy bun, tendrils of it falling down around her ears. She was usually careless with her hairstyle anyway. Lois didn't worry much about style, preferring to pull it back into a ponytail. She didn't have time for anything else. Clark had asked her once if she wanted a simple style, why didn't she cut it short, but even that was too hard to maintain. Her cousin Chloe preferred a short style but she had to go every six weeks to the hairdresser to maintain the style or else it looked messy and Lois just didn't have time for that nonsense. She was a busy career woman.

With one eye on the door and another on the man sitting alone in a booth on the other side of the diner, Lois carefully moved her phone closer to the edge of the table, making sure the movement wasn't caught by the man, who looked decidedly nervous.

"How's it going in there?" Clark asked quietly in her ear.

She'd commandeered the communicators from Watchtower, even though Bruce Wayne would have stern words with her if he ever found out she was using Justice League equipment for Daily Planet business.

"Great. All quiet on the western front. How about you?"

She heard the clink of glass. Clark was pretending to be a homeless guy, picking up cans and bottles to make food money.

"Great," he said, his voice fairly dripping with sarcasm. "So far I'm up a buck and a quarter."

"Awesome. Buy me a coke later?"

Clark had not been impressed when she'd told him exactly how this stake-out was going to go down. He'd argued he could use his super-hearing to overhear the conversation. Lois had argued back, quite logically, she thought, that they needed to actually record the conversation to get proof.

She'd found out the truth about her farmboy-turned-journalist/superhero friend a couple of years ago. She had been working on a story which she had hoped would be Pulitzer material and in the process had been almost killed. Clark had been forced to rescue her, which was pretty much an ongoing thing with them. He probably hadn't meant to reveal his powers, but he had, although neither one of them broached the subject for several months. Not until they'd had an argument that not only almost broke up their working partnership, but almost their friendship as well; all over Clark's abilities.

It wasn't that Smallville didn't trust her, Lois thought. Of all the people he had known, she was probably the one person he trusted the most. The problem really was that he thought if she knew the whole truth about him then his enemies, of which there were clearly many, might target her. Lois didn't think that was necessarily true, since she had a habit of making her own enemies in her job. Then Clark had pointed out her penchant for getting into trouble and tried to make it sound like she would get in more trouble if she knew the truth about him. Well, that was the most ridiculous thing Lois had ever heard.

"Heads up," Clark's voice crackled over the communicator. "Looks like we're about to get visitors."

Lois began fiddling with the napkin dispenser, as if trying to get one out neatly. She glanced up as the door opened and a burly man walked in, then turned toward the front counter where the waitress sat, looking bored. She caught the woman's eye and held up her coffee cup with a smile. The woman came over with the pot and began pouring more of the black sludge into the cup. Lois smiled again in pretended gratitude, quietly thinking diesel fuel would probably be better than the swill they were serving.

The two men had no sooner started to get into a conversation when the newcomer turned his head and looked straight at her.

Uh oh, Lois thought. It looked like she'd been well-and-truly sprung.

The man got up from the booth and came over, speaking something in what she hoped was Russian. From the tone of it, she thought it might be cursing. Lois grabbed her phone and started to stand, ready to face the man head on. Her eyes widened as he pulled out a handgun, dodging quickly out of the way as he shot at her.

Time seemed to slow down as the shot went wide, the bullet biting into the wall. Lois felt debris hit her and heard the report of the next bullet being fired. She looked up, realising she was directly in its trajectory. Suddenly there was something akin to a whirlwind. The gunman was on the ground and the bullet missed its mark.

"Thank you," she whispered, knowing he would hear it.

The thief got up, seeing the man he'd been supposedly meeting on the floor and tried to make a run for it. As he pulled open the door, Clark came barrelling through, knocking him off his feet. Clark adjusted his glasses and put out a hand.

"Sorry about that," he said, starting to help the man up before seeming to trip and fall over.

Lois bit back a giggle. Clark had been a klutz for as long as she'd known him, but knowing it was deliberate on his part just made it more fun.

The police eventually turned up and arrested both men, but not before berating both Clark and Lois for getting involved in something they had no business getting involved in. Luthor turned up at the same time, sending them both glares which suggested they better watch their backs.

"You're welcome," Clark muttered as Luthor took the stolen files. Ironic, Lois thought, since Lex Luthor had once been Clark's best friend. Now they were sworn enemies.

The next morning, Clark was at his desk writing up what information he had managed to get from the police on the case, which wasn't much, when Lois came in bearing coffees.

"So has Perry heard what happened?"

"I imagine so," Clark said, concentrating on his screen. He spoke in a lower tone. "I overheard him on a call with Luthor about half an hour ago."

Lois made a face, her lips drawn in a tight, 'I'm feeling guilty' kind of smile.

"So what do we do?" she asked.

"Don't annoy him. Don't say anything. Don't even argue."

Lois looked at him, shrugging as she sat down and lifted her coffee cup to her lips.

"I don't argue. I never argue. When do I argue? I mean, I might have a heated discussion with somebody ..."

"Is this you not arguing, because you suck at it."

"Gee, thanks Erin Brockovich," she smirked.

"LANE! KENT!"

Lois gulped visibly.

"Is it bad if I can hear the caps in that scream?" she asked.

Clark shrugged and got up, following her out of the office and up the stairs to Perry's office.

"Great Caesar's Ghost! What the hell were you two playing at?"

Clark winced, not even daring to look at Lois, but he imagined she was wincing right along with him.

"Uh, Chief," she began.

"Can it, Lane! You two almost got yourselves killed, and if it hadn't been for Superman ..."

"We're not even sure he was there, Chief," Clark told him.

The older man pushed back his thinning sandy blonde hair as it fell over his face. His hair tended to get more out of control the angrier he got. He sent Clark a look which could level three blocks.

"Don't test me, kid."

Clark sighed. He'd tangled with Perry years ago as a high school junior, but that run-in had gone a lot better than the constant run-ins he had since Perry had signed on as editor-in-chief.

Perry continued to rant and rave for the next hour about how irresponsible they'd been and how he'd been read the riot act by Luthor and his legal team and how much he hated being read the riot act by Lex Luthor.

Finally, Perry's lecture seemed to be winding down. Lois and Clark took it silently, knowing when their boss got in this kind of mood they would be better off trying to stop a runaway freight train.

"Since you two seem to have dropped the ball on this one, I am assigning you a story."

"Uh, we usually pick ..." Lois began, only to falter at Perry's stare.

"Beauty pageants!" the man snapped.

"Pardon?" Clark asked.

"Beauty pageants," Perry repeated. "I want an indepth story. They're hosting the Miss Kansas pageant at the Orpheum Theatre and I'm assigning you the story."

"Indepth? Sounds like you want us in the pageant, chief."

"You'd be correct, Lane. I don't care how. Be stagehands, hell, be one of the contestants for all I care."

"Uh, sir, I think they've pretty much closed the competition," Lois answered.

"Then figure something out. I want you both on that pageant. Now get out of my office!"

Clark looked at Lois as they left the office.

"One of the contestants?" he asked, looking her over.

Lois was wearing her usual uniform of black pants, severe blouse and black blazer. He'd never seen her in anything else. Lois didn't wear skirts if she could help it. He'd once asked her why and she'd told him she was competing in what was essentially a man's world, which Clark didn't think was necessarily true, and that she would prefer using her brain rather than her boobs to get ahead.

Clark just figured that growing up around army bases meant she didn't get a lot of 'feminine influence', hence the more masculine look.

Lois sighed as they returned to their office. She had been promoted from the bullpen about six months ahead of Clark but it had been inevitable they would share an office, considering how many stories they investigated together.

"So now what?" she asked.

"Beats me."

"Well, you're the one who's been around a pageant before. Wasn't your cousin Miss Cream Corn or something?"

"Miss Sweet Corn," Clark corrected her automatically. "And she only did it because I told her she needed to fit in."

"Your cousin could never 'fit in'. I mean, seriously, are all Kryptonians as hot as you and your cousin?"

Clark let that pass. He'd once considered asking Lois out on a date but between the many disasters they faced and her workaholic nature, there just hadn't been the right opportunity. As far as he knew, Lois had given up on dating a long time ago. The last time she'd dated anyone was Oliver Queen and even that had ended in disaster. Although, not for him. Oliver had been married to Lois' cousin Chloe for two years. The couple had had a baby two months ago.

Clark heard a cry for help.

"Uh, I better go," he said, giving her a look which told her it was a job for Superman.

Lois waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Go. Not like I can get into trouble flying a desk now, is it?"

"Lois ..."

"Just go, will you?" she said, sounding exasperated.

Clark went out, changing his clothes as he left, flying off to foil a robbery before being caught up in a fire at the docks. By the time he returned to work Lois had already given up on work for the day and left for their favourite bar.


	3. Chapter 2

Lois sat at the bar, leaning her elbow on the top and called to the bartender.

"Mike, gimme a pint."

"Starting early today aren't you, Lane?"

"Your point being?"

"Just sayin'."

Mike turned away to open the back door to the bar, going out into the next room. He came out about a minute later with a pint of Ben & Jerry's Milk & Cookies ice cream. Lois' tastebuds were practically salivating at the sight of the vanilla ice-cream with the chocolate swirl and chocolate chip cookies. She reached out for it, but Mike held back.

"Oh come on, Mike, I've had a bad day."

"You know the rules, Lane."

"Rules? What rules? C'mon, just put it on my tab."

"You already owe me fifty. No more on your tab until you've paid it off."

"But I'm broke!" she protested.

"Aw, gee, that's too bad, Lane," he said, pretending to make a pout. "I guess I'll just have to put this away again."

Lois stuck out her lower lip.

"Come on, Mike, have a heart!"

"Oh God, Mike just put it on my tab or we'll be hearing about it for the next month."

Lois turned and grinned at Clark.

"Always coming to my rescue, huh, Smallville?"

"Like I do anything else?" he quipped. He looked at the ice-cream. "Going for the hard stuff huh?"

"Yep. Wanna join me?"

He looked like he was considering it. For about two seconds.

"Love to," he said, trying to dip a finger in the ice-cream. Lois quickly wrapped a protective arm around her prize. "But I have a pressing social engagement."

His gaze turned in the direction of the door where a blonde girl was waiting. She looked as if she was barely out of high school. Lois rolled her eyes and snorted loudly.

Clark ignored her and turned to the bartender.

"Mike, beer please?"

"Sure, Clark." He glanced questioningly at Clark's date.

"Milk. Give her milk," Lois quipped in a loud whisper that only Clark would hear. He frowned at her, but said nothing, waiting as the girl gave her order. They took their drinks and went to sit down at a table.

***

There was no way in hell that they were ever going to get in on the pageant, Clark thought. Sure, Lois was an attractive woman, but she just didn't know how to be feminine. Still, Perry's orders were Perry's orders and Clark had to figure a way around Lois' obvious lack of social graces.

So he asked the only person he knew who might have some idea on what to do.

Bruce laughed uproariously.

"You're kidding, right? Lois Lane in a beauty pageant?"

Bruce had bought the Daily Planet two years earlier, a few months after Lex had returned supposedly from the dead and sued Oliver Queen for the return of his company. The last thing either Lois or Clark wanted was for their jobs to be at the mercy of the bald billionaire. When Clark had met Batman and learned his true identity, he had persuaded his new friend to buy the newspaper. Bruce had quickly made an offer on the company, which had Clark wondering if the Gotham billionaire had had his own agenda in buying the newspaper.

Since then, however, the two of them had become good friends. Bruce had come to Metropolis to attend a meeting with Perry, as well as working on a project with Oliver for the Justice League. The pair were planning on building a satellite station which would orbit the planet, claiming it would be much more difficult for someone like Lex to get wind of Justice League activities.

Bruce and Clark were in the bullpen watching Lois talking with Jeff, one of the interns. She was eating a maple donut, the sweet frosting coating her lips.

"So come on, Kent," the Gotham billionaire said. "What makes you think she'll fit the bill?"

"Well, she's ... ahh, she's ... Lois!"

"Oh yeah, that narrows it down!" his friend said sarcastically. "Look, if it matters that much to you ..."

"It's not so much that," Clark said. "It's Perry. He's ordered us to do it. He wants an indepth look at beauty pageants."

"So interview your cousin," Bruce suggested.

"Kara's halfway across the galaxy and I really don't think that's what Perry had in mind."

Bruce patted him on the shoulder.

"Well, better you than me, my friend."

"Gee, thanks," Clark returned sarcastically. "You're a big help."

"Look, I can pull some strings and get Lois in the pageant, but you're gonna have your work cut out for you. Got any ideas?"

Clark grimaced, watching as Lois bit into a jelly donut. The jelly ended up dripping onto her jacket. She scooped up the jelly with a finger and sucked on it. Clark whimpered. Bruce got the easiest job. How was he going to turn Mad Dog Lane into a beauty contestant?

As much as the so-called experts wanted to argue, a pageant was about more than potential beauty queens. The girls had to be able to show poise, grace, and they certainly weren't bimbos. The competitions could be gruelling, taking place over a week with a number of events designed to test every girl.

He sighed. As much as he cared about Lois, there was no way she was ever going to be able to stand up to such competition. When it came time to hand out gracefulness, Lois had been behind the door.

Still, she was pretty much the only choice he had.

"Hell no! No way, Smallville!" was Lois' reaction when he told her the plan. "Look, we were just kidding around before. There is no way I'm gonna wear some skimpy swimsuit and parade around like a bimbo with some kind of lame-ass name like Lola Lovell, which by the way sounds like a bad porno name and ... "

"Uh, you know, beauty contestants aren't exactly bimbos ..." he interrupted.

Cat, who had clearly been listening to the argument, decided to put her two cents in.

"You know, I was in a beauty pageant in my hometown. I won too."

Lois snorted and glared at Clark.

"I rest my case!" she snarked before turning and walking off.

Well, that was totally unfair, Clark thought. Cat might be annoyingly perky but she was hardly a bimbo.

Clark went after his partner.

"Lois, come on. You're all we've got. Unless you want me to ask Cat to do it?" he said, hoping that would make her stop and think.

It did. She glared at him.

"You're going to partner up with Miss Perky over my dead body," she hissed.

"So why not do it? Or are you afraid you'll fall flat on your face," he challenged.

She looked at him thoughtfully. If there was one thing Lois Lane never backed down from, it was a challenge.

"You think I couldn't do it? That I'm not up to it?"

"I don't think. I know."

She huffed. "Yeah? Watch my dust, Smallville!"


	4. Chapter 3

How do I let myself get talked into these things? Lois thought as she stared at herself in the mirror. This was so not going to work.

"This is not going to work," Chloe said from the bed.

"Gee, Chlo, thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Oh come on, Lo, you know I love you, but a beauty pageant? You hate all that glitter and glitz stuff."

"I have a point to prove," she told her cousin.

Lana looked up from the closet where she was going through Lois' clothes.

"Uh, I hate to say this, Lo, but you do have a way of attracting trouble. It's doubly worse when Clark's involved."

Lois snorted at her friend.

"Just because Smallville ..."

Chloe grinned at her.

"Admit it, Lo. You've never been able to back down from a dare. Especially when it's Clark daring you."

Lana practically bounced up and down on her heels.

"Yeah, remember when you first started at Smallville High, you and Clark kept daring each other to do these crazy stunts. You guys got in so much trouble with the principal."

"Well, that was high school."

"What about last year then, hmm?" Lana asked pointedly.

Lois bit her lip. Okay, so they'd gone to a karaoke bar together, and Clark had dared her to get up and sing to a Phil Collins song. She hated Phil Collins and much preferred Whitesnake. So, to turn the tables on him, she made him sing along with her to a Whitesnake song. Clark couldn't sing. Period. Lois had spent half the night laughing her head off at her partner.

"Lo, why don't you just admit you're in love with Clark? I mean, you wouldn't do all this crazy stuff with him if you weren't."

"Am not," she mumbled.

Lana grinned and shook her head.

"Whatever you say, Cleopatra."

Lois stared at the brunette.

"What?"

"You're in De-Nile," she said, emphasising the syllables. "Denial. Get it?"

"No, I'm not. And I'm not in love with him."

"Fine, you're not. But you are."

"You can talk," Lois snorted.

"Honey, that ship sailed years ago. Clark and I realised a long time ago we were never meant to be. Besides, I think I called it the minute I saw you two together, snarking at each other."

Lois sighed. As much as she wanted to deny it, she'd had feelings for Clark longer than she cared to admit. She'd first met him when she'd crashed her car into a cornfield. Clark had just been sent back by his birth father, although Lois hadn't known that at the time, and she had thought he'd been hit by lightning. Clark had been stark naked and suffering from amnesia. Even when he wasn't totally there, Lois couldn't help but think he was the hottest guy she'd ever seen.

They'd spent much of the first year of their friendship aggravating each other but they'd slowly come around to the idea of a true friendship. Clark had been there for her when she'd broken up with Ollie and she'd been there for him when he'd broken up with Lana for the last time. Lois didn't know when she'd begun to have romantic feelings for him. All she knew was that it was something which had been building up for the longest time. The only trouble was, neither one of them had acted on those feelings.

Lana closed the closet door with a sigh.

"Lo, no offence, but your taste in clothes sucks. I mean, seriously, army fatigues? Whatever made you think that was a fashion statement?"

"Um ... look, you guys don't know what it's like, growing up on army bases. If any of those guys catch a whiff of anything remotely feminine they're all over you like dogs in heat."

Chloe scowled. "Yeah, that's a picture I want in my head."

Her phone rang and she picked it up. "Honey? What's wrong?" She paused. "Well, just give him a bottle! What are you, a man or a mouse? Geez, he's two months old!" She rolled her eyes. "All right, fine, fine, fine. I'll be there fast as I can." She sighed heavily as she ended the call and looked up at them. "Sorry, duty calls. I swear, leave him alone with the kid for five seconds and he's helpless!"

"Not to mention hopeless," Lana laughed. "Go rescue that handsome hunk of yours. Oliver too."

"Give Jonas a kiss from his favourite aunt," Lois told her cousin.

"Sure. Call me later. I'm guessing we're going to have to go shopping," she said, glancing at the pile of clothes on the bed, which were mostly masculine-looking pants and shirts. Lois had a uniform. Tailored pants, tailored shirt and a blazer. Usually black or charcoal grey.

Lois sighed as she watched her blonde cousin leave. Lana gazed at the closed door wistfully. Lois saw her friend briefly touch her stomach.

"Still hurts, huh?" she asked.

Lana looked up at her, brown eyes mournful. Lana had been briefly married to Lex Luthor, although she had realised the only reason she had married him was because she thought she was pregnant at the time. He'd confused her, seduced her with promises of being a changed man, all while she'd still been hung up on Clark.

She'd learned just a few weeks after the wedding that Lex had injected her with hormones which would exhibit the same symptoms as a pregnancy, clearly trying to trap her into marriage. She had known Lex could be possessive and jealous, especially when it came to Clark, but he'd taken it too far.

"I still think about what if," she said softly. "I mean, I know it wasn't real, but sometimes the heart and the mind don't always agree. I mean, it felt real."

Lois put an arm around her friend and squeezed gently.

"Yeah, well Lex is nuts and you're better off without him."

"Agreed," Lana smiled. "Now, what are we going to do about this little assignment of yours?" She paused, looking thoughtful. "You know, talking about Lex reminded me of something. Or someone, actually. Um, there's someone I need to call."

"Oh, well ..."

"Look, you've got another couple of days before the competition starts right?" Lois nodded. "So, we don't need to do all this tonight."

"But, what about ..." Lois trailed off, sighing at the mess.

"Lo, I promise you, if the person I'm thinking of can help, we'll have you looking like a million dollars." Lana hugged her briefly. "I'll call you later with the details, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Lana smiled at her. "Don't worry, okay?"


	5. Chapter 4

Clark had been out doing his Superman duties all day and hadn't had a chance to talk to Lois about the assignment. He flew into Watchtower to find Oliver and Bruce standing together, their heads bent over something on the table in the centre of the room.

"No, no, you really need to do it this way," Bruce insisted.

"I think I know how to change my own kid's diaper," Oliver grumbled.

Clark sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Hey guys," he said, approaching the table. Baby Jonas was lying on a blanket on the table looking very unhappy as his father struggled to put the diaper on with Bruce 'helping'.

"Hey Clark," Oliver said. "Chloe's out with Lois and Lana so she left me to babysit."

"And you're doing a bang-up job so far," Bruce smirked.

"Hey, you try running a company and look after a kid."

"He's two months old! How much trouble could he be?"

Clark groaned quietly to himself. He knew exactly how much trouble a baby could be, since he'd once found an infant and had had no idea what to do. Of course, he'd only done it for a couple of days, which was nothing compared to Oliver and Chloe raising their own infant. Still, Chloe always seemed to be complaining lately about how hopeless her husband was with the baby. Clark really hoped she was joking; sometimes it was hard to tell with Chloe.

Jonas didn't seem to want his diaper on, wriggling away from his father.

"Uh oh," Oliver muttered. "I think he's gonna blow!"

Sure enough, the baby started crying, loud enough to make even Clark's ears hurt. Bruce shook his head.

"How can one guy be so inept?" he asked.

"Hey, when you have kids, then you can criticise my parenting skills," Oliver snapped, making Jonas cry even harder.

"Well that's never going to happen," Bruce told him. "There is no way in hell I'm ever gonna have kids."

"Sure there aren't any mini-Bruces running around somewhere?" Clark said snarkily.

Oliver finally managed to get the diaper on and picked his son up to soothe him, rocking him a little awkwardly. Bruce just huffed and walked away to the bank of computers. Clark grinned at his friend.

"So the girls are out shopping?"

Oliver shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I overheard Chloe gabbing on the phone to Lana about a makeover."

A makeover? It was worse than he thought, Clark decided. It was always trouble when Lois and Chloe got together, but add Lana to the mix and it would be like a nuclear explosion.

After he'd broken up with Lana for the last time, he'd begged off dating for a while, wanting some breathing space. He'd hoped that Lois would actually come around to the idea of them going out but he hadn't wanted her to think that he'd asked her out as a rebound from Lana when it couldn't be further from the truth. The problem was, the appropriate time to ask had just never happened.

Even Lana, who had come back to the city after months in Europe to clear her head, had asked him what he was waiting for. It was funny that he was on such good terms with his ex, but then again they had always been better friends than they were boyfriend and girlfriend so it shouldn't have come as much of a surprise. What really made him nervous was that she and Lois were close. He knew only too well how much women talked to each other and the thought that they were talking about him was unnerving.

"Relax, I doubt they're talking about you," Oliver said, reading his expression.

"You don't know the girls," Clark groaned.

"Considering I'm married to one of them, I think I have a fair idea. Look, don't you remember that episode on Friends where the guys think they're missing out because they find out the girls tell each other everything?"

Clark frowned at him. "You watch Friends?"

"Uh, yeah," Oliver looked embarrassed. "Chloe makes me watch it." He grinned. "Of course, I get my revenge by making her watch Die Hard, so we're about even."

"Lois makes me watch disaster movies," Clark admitted. "Usually it involves monster sharks."

Bruce snorted. "Selina and I don't watch television. We're usually too busy sparring."

"Sparring? Is that what they're calling it now?" Oliver asked. "You know, Bruce, there's such a thing as over-sharing."

Bruce cocked an eyebrow at him. "Over ... no, idiot, I actually mean sparring. As in fighting?"

"Oh, well, colour me embarrassed," Oliver commented, carrying his now sleeping son over to the couch to place him in the carrier. "I actually did think you meant something else."

"Yeah, we do that too. Let me tell you, Selina is a wildcat in ..."

Clark clapped his hands over his ears. "Don't want to hear it," he said.

Bruce chuckled. "Sorry, I forgot. How long a dry spell has it been?"

"Hey, I date," Clark protested. It wasn't like he didn't have a social life, when it wasn't interrupted by his Superman duties, of course. The trouble was, his dates usually ended in disaster.

"Of course you do," Bruce said, clapping a hand on his shoulder soothingly. Clark shook him off. Bruce just grinned. "Anyway, I talked to the pageant director. It turns out one of the girls had to drop out. Something to do with a porno movie," he muttered.

Oliver looked up from watching the baby, clearly interested.

"Oh yeah, which one?" he asked.

"Why? You looking for tips?" Bruce quipped.

Oliver puffed out his chest. "Hey, nothing wrong with my sexual prowess," he said, smirking.

"Oh here he goes," Chloe said sarcastically. They all turned to see Lana and Chloe standing in the doorway. "Ever since I got pregnant," the blonde continued, "Ollie's been bragging."

Oliver went to hug her. "Well, if you've got it ..." he said, deliberately pinching her butt cheek. Chloe pushed him off.

"No way, sailor," she said. "You're not getting your hands on any part of my anatomy anytime soon."

Oliver pouted. "But honey ..."

"Don't give me the puppy dog look either, Queen. You're as bad as Clark."

"What did I do?" Clark protested.

Bruce chuckled. "So how was the shopping trip," he asked, clearly trying to change the subject. Not because he was interested.

"Well ..." Lana said, glancing behind her.

The two girls separated, each moving to the other side of the doorframe. Clark watched curiously as a long, shapely leg in two-inch high heels stepped forward. He let his gaze travel slowly up the leg to the slim waist, the long torso, then the ...

"Hey, Smallville, my eyes are up here."

Clark swallowed and lifted his gaze to her face. Lois was not only wearing a tight dress that showed her gorgeous figure to perfection but she was wearing make-up which had been skilfully applied, cherry red lipstick adorning full, luscious lips, a peach-coloured blush which emphasised high cheekbones and mascara and eyeliner that gave her long, long eyelashes.

His jaw would have dropped to the floor if that had been possible. He continued staring until his eyes began to grow hot. Realising what it meant, Clark turned around, fighting to get his heat vision under control.

"Need some water there, Clark?" Lana chuckled.

"What'd I tell you, Lo?" Chloe was saying to her cousin.

"Worked better than I thought," Lois laughed. "Okay there, Smallville?"

Clark shook his head vigorously and turned back to her.

"Fine." He pulled at the neckline of his uniform shirt, suddenly conscious of the fact he was sweating.

"Never thought I'd see the day when Superman would turn bright red," Lana giggled. "You know, this reminds me of that time when you were just getting your heat vision and you caused a fire in the Talon." Her eyes widened, then she began laughing hysterically. "Oh, now the secrets are all out, huh, Clark?"

He scowled at her.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, miffed.

"And here I thought his powers all came from the sun. I guess not everything, hey, Clark?" Chloe laughed.

Clark glared daggers at his friend. He was never going to live this down, he could tell. He glanced at Lois and she just grinned triumphantly before turning and walking away, stumbling a little in the heels.


	6. Chapter 5

Lois kept glancing at Clark as he tried to regain his composure. She knew he had feelings for her, but she hadn't known they'd run that deep. Or that he would lose control once he saw her in the dress.

Lana had called her first thing in the morning, telling her to meet uptown at a local salon. Lois hadn't known what to make of the scene when she'd walked in to find a team of stylists waiting for her, led by a good-looking man wearing a sport coat in a houndstooth check pattern. He had a brightly coloured scarf around his neck.

"Well," he said, circling her, making her feel self-conscious. "I can see we've got our work cut-out for us." He snapped his fingers and two girls came forward, leading Lois to the basin to wash her hair.

Three hours of pulling, cutting, waxing, plucking and other nameless methods of torture, Lois was shown her reflection in the three-sided mirror.

Lana looked amazed.

"Lois, I hardly recognise you."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" she asked her friend.

"You are magnifique," Sergio, the head stylist told her, continuing to fawn over her. Lois cocked an eyebrow at the brunette.

"Where did you find this guy?" she asked.

Lana shrugged. "I met him when I was still married to Lex. Lionel actually introduced me to him. He used to style my hair when I had to go to society dinners; you know, as Lex's wife."

Lois nodded, now understanding how Lana had seemed to take on a more 'elegant' look while she was married to Lex. It was no surprise really that she would have used a professional stylist.

After the makeover, Chloe had met them at Lois' favourite local cafe and the three of them had gone shopping for outfits. They had found the perfect dress at a boutique. Lois had been a little uncertain until she had seen herself in it. The dress not only fit her figure perfectly, it also made her feel more feminine.

"You are going to knock his socks off," Lana told her with a grin.

Lois shook her head. "This is not about Clark, okay? It's about the beauty pageant."

"Oh, of course," Lana said with a knowing smile.

As she stood talking with Lana and Chloe in Watchtower, she glanced once more at Clark, who was clearly stealing glances of his own. His reaction had definitely been worth it, she thought. All she had to do now was get in to the stupid pageant and prove to Clark that beneath the, admittedly, horridly masculine clothes, she was all woman.

Bruce approached and handed Lois some papers.

"Here you go," he said. "Your entry to the pageant."

Lois looked at the documentation. The entire event would take place over a week. All the contestants were expected to report for rehearsal and some preliminary judging events. Lois was going as Miss Lowell County.

She scowled at Bruce.

"Lola Lovell? I think my IQ just dropped twenty points."

"Knew you'd like that," Bruce smirked.

Lois turned and glared daggers at Clark, who just smirked back at her. She narrowed her eyes at him. You wait, Smallville, she thought.

Next morning Lois reported to the hotel where she was meant to stay for the duration of the competition. Of the one hundred plus counties in the whole state, about a dozen or so had dropped out for various reasons, so there were ninety girls taking part in the contest. As Lois dropped her stuff in the hotel room she was supposedly sharing with the girl from Anderson County, she felt a little nervous.

She'd dressed with care in a light pastel pink dress that came to just above her knees and showed a modest amount of cleavage. Her hair was brushed and shining, styled exactly the way Sergio had taught her.

She walked into the dining room where they were all meeting for breakfast, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. A girl with shoulder-length blonde hair waved at her enthusiastically.

"Hi," she said, getting up to grasp Lois' arm. "You must be Lola. I'm Cheryl."

"How did you know?" Lois asked.

"Oh, I memorised all the contestants. You were the only one without a picture."

"All ninety?" another girl asked as they sat down at a table.

Cheryl nodded. Lois immediately felt welcomed by the warm, friendly tone of the girl. She seemed very sweet.

"This is Donna," Cheryl said, indicating a tall, willowy brunette on her right. "She's a teacher at Greeley High. Oh, and this is Charlotte; she's from Cheyenne County." Cheryl gave a little laugh. "I'm from Harper County." She sighed happily, stretching her arms out and bouncing in her seat. "I'm so excited to be here, aren't you excited?"

"Oh, I'm very excited," Lois answered, deciding it was better to agree.

The other girls chimed in with their own introductions, frowning as Lois grabbed a bagel and spread cream cheese. She felt like she hadn't eaten in days.

Charlotte stared at her in horror.

"You really going to eat that?"

"What? I'm hungry."

"But look at all those calories!" the woman exclaimed.

"I'll soon burn them off," Lois told her. "I have a high metabolism."

Cheryl grabbed her own bagel, spreading it lightly with hummus. The others began to bicker over the food, criticising Cheryl for what they clearly considered to be a poor choice. Fortunately the argument quickly petered out when the pageant director stood up at the podium to welcome them all to the contest.

"For the past ten years it has been my honour to serve as director of this pageant and I know this year will be our most exciting event ever, right ladies?"

"Right!" the group chorused.

Oh, brother, Lois thought, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.


	7. Chapter 6

Clark watched the proceedings on the monitor. He and Bruce had set Lois up with a micro-camera so she could film what was going on. Bruce couldn't resist making a few snarky comments, especially about the girls Lois was sitting with.

"Get a load of the rack on her," he said, indicating the one called Charlotte.

"Would you get your mind out of the gutter for five seconds?" Clark said in protest. "Besides, you're dating Selina."

"So? I can still look."

"Tell me that after Selina's clawed your eyes out," Clark snorted at his friend.

"Will you guys shut up so I can actually listen to the speeches," Lois muttered. "We're supposed to be taking notes, Smallville."

"Sorry," he muttered.

"And you, Wayne, don't you have a home?"

"Yes," Bruce returned.

"So why aren't you there instead of here making smart aleck comments?"

"Fine, I know when I'm not wanted," he said.

Clark watched as his friend turned away to talk to Chloe, who was working on the monitors, talking to Tess at the same time. Although Tess 2.0 was basically an artificial intelligence, she still had the memories of the real Tess. It had taken time for her to stop obsessing over her thoughts of revenge on her brother and now she was a valued member of the team.

"So, what's next in the program?" Clark asked Lois.

She continued to talk quietly. The director would be going over the rules of the contest and the expectations of the judges. Then there would be the rehearsals for the main event before the preliminary judging would begin.

"So what's in the preliminaries?" he asked.

"Uh, swimsuit, public speaking ..."

"Well, I don't imagine you'll have any problem with that. You certainly talk enough."

"Laugh it up, Smallville. You'll get yours."

He started to ask her more questions and she shushed him. As Cheryl began talking to Lois he just listened. Cheryl seemed like a nice enough girl, although a little like Cat, if he was honest. She was attractive enough, he supposed, but just not his type.

"Hey, Clark, c'mere a minute."

Clark turned and frowned at his friend.

"What is it?"

"We may have a problem," Bruce said.

Clark got up and joined his friends at the computer. Tess was talking to Chloe.

"What is it?" Clark repeated.

The hologram of Tess looked at him, frowning.

"I've accessed the list of judges on the pageant. It appears Lex is one of them."

Oh crap, Clark thought. This was so not good. He glanced at Bruce questioningly but the other man just shrugged.

"Don't look at me. I just talked to the director about getting Lois in the pageant. I didn't ask about the judges."

"This could be bad," Clark said. "If Lex ..."

"Look, there's no picture of her, and as far as Lex knows, her name is Lola."

"So the fact that she looks exactly like Lois won't clue him in that something's hinky?" Clark asked.

"Well, nobody's perfect," the blonde shrugged. "Besides, he still hasn't figured out that you're Superman."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Clark asked. "That accounts for almost the entire staff of the Daily Planet."

"I really don't get why you don't just wear a mask," Bruce interjected.

"Do I tell you how to be Batman?" Clark said, glaring at his friend.

"As if I'd let you," Bruce snorted.

The two men began bickering back and forth, causing Tess to roll her eyes. Up on the mezzanine floor, Jonas gave a loud cry.

"Great. I just got him to sleep." Chloe glared at the two men, giving Bruce a punch to the shoulder as she passed, going to soothe her son.

Bruce rubbed his arm, looking wounded.

"Hey, why do you always hit me and not him?" he asked.

"Because I'd break my hand," Chloe called out

Bruce sighed as he looked at Clark.

"Your girlfriend is a bad influence on her," he commented.

"Lois isn't my girlfriend," Clark pointed out.

"That's because you're too much of a wimp to ask her out. You know, if I was a free agent ..."

"Which you're not," Clark finished. "Besides, Lois wouldn't go out with you."

"Why not? I'm rich, handsome ..."

"Egotistical," Tess snorted.

"Oh, switch off!" Bruce retorted.

"Gladly!" the artificial intelligence returned, disappearing as she went to standby mode.


	8. Chapter 7

It was a long day for Lois. The dance rehearsals were bad enough, but the lectures about deportment and how to behave as future potential beauty queens were more than enough to put Lois to sleep. By the time they called lights out in the hotel, she was ready for a good night's rest. Her roommate was already asleep, or at least appeared to be. She was wearing a sleep mask over her eyes and a thick cream on her face, as well as headphones over her ears, either to shut out sounds or she had some kind of calming music playing.

There was a soft knock on the door and Lois went to check through the peephole. Cheryl. She opened the door.

"It's not too late is it?" Cheryl said quietly. She was holding two mugs and a thermos.

"Oh no," Lois assured her, glad she hadn't gone to bed yet. "I was just, you know, going through my beauty routine. Getting ready for bed."

She looked the girl over. Cheryl had curlers in her hair. Lois wondered how girls ever slept in those things without getting a headache.

"My, uh, roommate's asleep, I think," Lois told her as the girl bounced on the bed.

"I made some of my famous hot chocolate," Cheryl said with a smile.

Famous? This was new to Lois.

"I asked some of the other girls," the blonde continued as she poured the drink into the mugs, "but as soon as they heard the word chocolate they slammed their doors. I mean, they didn't even give me the chance to say non-fat."

Lois smiled and shrugged at the girl, taking the mug. They clinked their mugs.

Cheryl chattered on while Lois sipped the hot chocolate. It didn't taste bad per se, but it didn't taste all that good either. She kept drinking it, not wanting to hurt the other girl's feelings.

She was surprised when Cheryl told her she was going to win.

"How's that?" Lois asked.

"You're nice and you're funny. And you're so graceful. I mean, me I'm just a klutz, you know?"

"Oh, no, Cheryl ..." She frowned at the girl. "Don't say that." She wondered why a girl like Cheryl would even enter a beauty pageant if she had such self-esteem issues.

"Um, so the talent contest is tomorrow. What are you going to do?"

Oh crap, she thought. I have to have a talent? It wasn't like she could sing karaoke. She thought fast.

"Oh, it's kind of like, um, you know, it's a surprise, but don't worry, it's nothing embarrassing. Not anything like baton twirling or anything."

Cheryl looked crestfallen. Lois immediately felt embarrassed. Yeah, way to go Lane, she silently berated herself. Get your foot out of your mouth before you make the girl feel worse.

Lois quickly covered and Cheryl began defending it, telling her it was a real artform. She'd seen a cheerleader doing it at a football game when she'd been in high school and the performer had used flaming batons. Lois' new friend looked in awe as she explained it and Lois suggested she should try it, but the blonde told her her parents wouldn't be too happy about it, thinking it was far too showy for their tastes.

Geez, how old was this girl? Lois thought. Twenty-two, twenty-three? She was old enough to make up her own mind and do what she wanted. She didn't have to listen to her parents.

"You know, my dad tries to tell me what to do, but I haven't let him since I was about eighteen. And he's like this real hard case, you know?"

"What does he do?"

"He's a general. In the army." She grinned. "You know, one time I stole a jeep and I got caught. He locked me in my room thinking I couldn't get out. I picked the lock."

"Wow! See, I could never do anything like that."

"Cheryl, I know that if you believe you can do anything, you can. And you have as good a chance as anyone to win. I mean, you wouldn't have got this far if you didn't believe that, right?"

"See, that's why you're going to win ..."

Lois' roommate huffed noisily, sitting up in the bed.

"Excuse me, some of us are trying to get some sleep here."

Lois hunched her shoulders and made a face. "Sorry."

Cheryl realised it was time she left. She smiled at Lois at the door and whispered 'goodnight'. Lois closed the door softly and put her mug down on the nightstand, pulling back the covers and laying on the bed.

No sooner had she closed her eyes when there was a gentle tapping at the sliding door. Lois got up with a sigh and pushed back the drape slightly, mindful of her roommate.

"Smallville, what the hell?" she whispered.

"You took your earpiece out," he said.

"Well, yeah, because I'm about to go to bed," she told him, as if he couldn't see from the nightdress she was wearing that she wasn't about to go out partying. She fought the urge to cover herself as his gaze swept over her body. It wasn't like he was creepy about it. She knew Clark could appreciate the female form. She just hadn't noticed him looking at her that way before.

"Come on, Lana needs you."

"What?"

"Two words, Lo. Maple donut."

"I hate you," she grumbled, going back in to put her robe on. She followed him out to the pool area and down the path to the theatre back door.

Bruce and Lana were waiting.

"What's he doing here?" Lois hissed. It was just like Bruce, she thought. He'd been annoying her from the moment they'd met. It wasn't the same as when she'd met Clark, which had sort of been a mutual antagonism to hide the fact they were both really attracted to each other. No, Bruce was trying to be funny as a cover for his 'other persona' but it just came off obnoxious.

"Well, hey, Lane, if you can fool me into thinking you belong here, you can fool all the judges."

"You're not judging the competition," she told him, scowling.

"No, but Lex is."

"What?" she asked, turning to stare at Clark.

"We found out today. Or rather, Tess did."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I would have if you hadn't turned off your earpiece."

"I was trying to listen to the lectures," she told him. "What the hell are we gonna do? If Lex figures out it's me ..."

"Look, you leave Lex to me," Bruce said. "I can make sure he keeps his mouth shut."

"Yeah, what are you gonna do, Wayne? Threaten to take away his Tonka toys?"

"Are you always this annoying, Lane?"

"Only around you," she hissed.

"You know, since technically I'm your boss, I could fire you."

"You know, since technically, I don't care, I ... don't ... care!"

"Oh my god," Lana groaned to Clark. "They could be at this all night."

"Tell you what, you take Lois, I'll take Bruce."

Lois looked at her partner as he grabbed Bruce's arm and hauled him away. Bruce smirked at her. Lois crossed her eyes and blew a raspberry at him.

"You know, Lane, you'd be a shoo-in for winning the Miss Most Obnoxious title," Bruce commented.

"Bite me!" she said, not wanting to point out that it was like the pot calling the kettle black.

Lana led Lois backstage and handed her a garment bag.

"Put this on," she said.

"I'd rather stay in this," she told her, looking down at her nightwear.

"You need to practice," Lana advised. "Come on, Lo, we need to do this if you're ever going to make it past the first round."

"I don't need to make it past the first round."

"You're competing against eighty-nine other girls, Lois. About half of them get eliminated in the prelims."

Lois sighed. "Fine, but I'm not doing this with Mr Gigantic-Stick-Up-His-Ass watching."

"You'll have to do it with all six judges watching. Like he says, if you can fool him, you can fool the judges. Now come on, get changed."

"Have I said how much I hate you right now, Lana?"

"Not in so many words, no." Lana grinned, not taking Lois too seriously.

When Lois had told her friend what she'd got herself into, Lana had confessed that when she was younger, her aunt had made her enter beauty pageants every year from the age of six until she was twelve. Lois had asked the brunette why she didn't continue, even though she thought beauty pageants for little girls as young as Lana had been were just gross exploitation. Lana had finally managed to convince Nell that the pageants just weren't for her. Still, she had learned a lot about what the judges expected of the contestants.

Lois quickly changed into the evening gown Lana had provided, putting on the three-inch high heeled sandals. The two-inch heels she'd worn the day before had been bad enough but the higher ones made her feel like she was on a teeter-totter.

She followed Lana out to the stage, which was already set for the show in four days' time. Each contestant would have to make their entrance down the stairs.

Lois felt incredibly self-conscious as Lana instructed her, knowing both Clark and Bruce were watching from the seats in front.

"Don't walk, float."

"I'm not Supergirl!" Lois protested, trying to descend gracefully.

"You're looking down. Go back up and do it again."

Grumbling loudly, Lois went back up the stairs and began the walk of shame again. Lana again called out instructions which Lois couldn't even comprehend.

"You know what, why don't you do this?" she told the other girl.

"You know why I can't. I mean, for one thing I'm shorter than you. You have to be at least five seven."

"Looking good, Lo," Clark called out as she went back up the stairs and started again.

"You are so dead, Smallville," she muttered.

"I heard that."

"Shut up. I'm trying to float here," she said, awkwardly trying to descend, keeping her thighs together as instructed while trying to make it look effortless.

"A herd of elephants could do it better," the Gotham billionaire called.

"Bruce, you know what my Aunt Nell used to say to me?"

"No, Lana, what did your aunt say to you?"

"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. So shut your piehole before I shut it for you."

"Big words, Lang."

"Up yours, Wayne."

"Yeah, you tell 'im Lana." Lois tripped on the long scarf she had to wear with the gown and slipped. Clark immediately zipped in and caught her in his arms. She grinned up at him. "Thanks Smallville."

"Nice save, Clark," Bruce said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Might have knocked some sense into her."

"Why don't we take a break?" Lana suggested.

"Yeah, before I punch someone's lights out," Lois growled.

Clark sighed. It seemed that ever since Bruce and Lois had met they constantly antagonised each other. It reminded him a little of the early years of their friendship when he and Lois had spent almost all of their time snarking at each other or trying to one-up the other. He missed those days sometimes.

He handed Lois a bottle of water and sat down on the edge of the stage with her.

"You okay?" he asked.

"You don't have to worry about me, Smallville."

"I'm not worried," he said. "You just look tired."

"It's two in the morning, Smallville. Some of us actually do need to sleep."

"Well, I mean ..."

"You might wanna do something about those bags under your eyes," Bruce commented.

"Lay off, Bruce." Clark sighed. Bruce was a good friend but it really annoyed him sometimes that his friend and the woman he cared most about just couldn't seem to get along. Bruce seemed to take a perverse pleasure in riling Lois.

"By the way, Lane, what are you planning on doing for your talent? It's not as if you can snark your way into it."

Clark looked at Bruce, then at Lois, who shrugged.

"What would you prefer?" she asked.

Bruce sighed. "Yeah, you're in deep crud, Kent. She has no talent."


	9. Chapter 8

Lana bit her lip.

"Yeah, we didn't think about that," she said.

"I'm sure you can think of something," Clark told the girls. "I mean, look at what you did in just one day? Lois is completely gorgeous." Lois sent him a grateful smile. "I mean," he added, "compared to the train wreck she was before."

Lois glared at him. "Gee, thanks."

"You know what I mean."

"Whatever."

"What about singing?" Lana suggested. "Remember that time you and Chloe sang karaoke in the Talon?"

"That was for fun. Not serious. I don't think they consider karaoke a talent."

"Besides, I doubt a power ballad from Whitesnake would do it."

"Well, can you play an instrument?" Bruce asked.

"That would be a no."

"You are so screwed," the billionaire said.

"What about that time you danced at that club?" Lana suggested.

"What club?" Clark asked, then remembered. "Oh hell no."

"Yeah, I'm with him," Lois agreed. "Lana, that was a 'gentlemen's club'."

Bruce burst out laughing. "Seriously? You stripped at a gentlemen's club?"

"It was a story Chloe was working on, okay?" Bruce continued to laugh. "Oh shut up," Lois said, yawning.

"Well, what about a monologue?" Clark suggested. He'd heard some girls did that in talent contests.

"Lois talking for ten minutes straight?" Bruce nodded. "Yeah, that could work. She talks enough, but can she act?"

Lois glared at Bruce. Clark turned his own glare on him and pulled his friend aside.

"Do you have to keep antagonising her?"

"It's fun," he said with a shrug.

"Well stop it. You're driving her crazy."

Bruce looked him over. "Well, look at you acting like Mr White Knight."

"Bruce, come on."

Bruce sighed heavily.

"All right, fine. I'll stop, but only if you stop denying how you feel about her. Anyone would have to be blind or stupid not to see you're crazy about her."

"Okay, so I am, but that's not helping the situation."

He glanced over to Lois, who appeared to be deep in hushed conversation with Lana. He was tempted to use his super-hearing to eavesdrop but figured it wouldn't help his case any.

Lois, meanwhile, was in full-on panic mode.

"Lana, what'm I going to do? I don't know any monologues."

"Well, then I guess your options are limited," Lana said, watching the two men in conversation. "Did you see the way Clark was defending you? He's crazy about you!"

"Lana, c'mon."

"I mean it."

"I'm crazy about him too, but we don't have time for this. If we don't report back to Perry with a story ..." She sighed. "Look, there's something I did back in high school. We had a talent quest and I won."

"So do that then."

"I'm worried I'll get nervous and fall flat on my face."

"Lois, you are the most confident person I know, and you'll be great."

Lois nodded, yawning. Clark came to stand beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"I think we should call it a night," he said. "She needs to get some sleep. She's almost dead on her feet."

Lois wanted to smile gratefully at her partner but she was just too tired. She let him lead her away to change her clothes before walking back to the room. Clark paused at the door.

"Listen, I just ... I wanted to say ... look, ignore Bruce. I know you guys don't get along, but don't let him get to you okay? You're doing great."

"Well, thanks for that ringing endorsement, Smallville."

"I mean it," he said, pressing close to her.

"I know," she said with a tired smile. She gazed at him for a few seconds. "You think I'm gorgeous," she recalled from earlier.

"I've always thought that," he said.

"You think I'm gorgeous," she said in a singsong voice. "You want to kiss me. You want to ..."

She was suddenly breathless, looking up into those gorgeous green eyes. He bent and kissed her softly.

"Get some sleep," he said softly. "Goodnight Lois."

Lois touched her lips. They were tingling from his kiss. With a soft sigh, she opened the door to her room and went in, moving quietly around her roommate's bed to get into her own. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Lois was still yawning as she entered the main dressing area backstage in time for one of the preliminary events a few hours later. She sipped from a mug of strong coffee, hoping it would be enough to wake her up. Cheryl immediately spotted her.

"Lola, you look so tired," she exclaimed.

"Yeah," she said, yawning as she settled in one of the make-up chairs, watching as her new friend began preparing for the first part of the program. Cheryl was using a large brush to add blush to her cheeks.

God, I hope Clark isn't watching, she thought, trying not to touch the camera they'd disguised as a pin. God only knew what perve Wayne would make of this scene, especially with so many girls in varying states of undress.


	10. Chapter 9

Clark was already annoyed with his friend's running commentary on the contestants and their various 'physical talents'.

"I'm trying to listen here," he said.

"Gee, sorry," Bruce returned.

Clark just sighed and shook his head, turning back to the monitor. Lois seemed okay, although clearly very tired, which was understandable, since she'd had maybe four hours' sleep at best.

A girl who was obviously Lois' roommate had approached after hearing Cheryl comment about Lois' exhaustion and told them exactly what she'd seen, or rather, thought she had seen. Clark rolled his eyes. One innocent kiss and they were acting like the world was imploding.

Another girl, whom Clark remembered as Charlotte, chided Lois, telling her it wasn't allowed, which led to Charlotte and Lois' roommate bickering over the rules.

Another contestant, who appeared to be slightly older than the other two, put a stop to it. She was clearly looking straight at Lois as her face appeared on the screen. She told them they might have been jumping to conclusions, then asked Lois if he was a judge or someone else involved with the pageant.

Lois snickered, quickly covering by telling the girls gathered around that he was just a guy obsessed with her. She made some flyaway comment about him having an 'incurable disease' which set Bruce off sniggering, while the girls on screen collectively gasped.

Clark tried not to blush in embarrassment as Lois continued.

"I didn't realise it was stupidity." She must have stood up as the camera angle changed. Clark stared as she opened her robe, giving him just a hint of creamy skin. He could just hear her voice gloating, knowing exactly what effect it would have on him.

The other girls started laughing out loud as Lois launched into mocking him, all the while giving him a good view of her voluptuous figure.

"His ego is like this big," Lois added, holding her hands out shoulder-width apart, "but his equipment is like this big," she finished, holding one hand up with the forefinger and thumb barely two inches apart.

Bruce guffawed loudly. Clark quickly covered himself by saying he and Lois had come up with that together. His friend just snorted as if he didn't believe it for a second.

Oh, he was so going to get her for that, Clark thought. Lois Lane wouldn't know what hit her.

A couple of hours later he waited anxiously in front of the stage in the mall where the contestants were showcasing their talents. Each entry was called up alphabetically by county. Lois' turn was coming up and he was yet to learn what she was going to do for her part of the show. He spotted Lana emerging from the backstage area. Since she was clearly helping Lois, she was given access to all areas.

"Where is she?" he asked, grabbing his friend.

"She's getting ready. Clark, don't worry. She's fine."

"It's not her I'm worried about."

"Clark, you're starting to sound like a worrywart."

"This was a dumb idea, Lana. Seriously, I ..."

He looked up as a girl came on the stage wearing what looked like a long tailored coat, white shirt and black tie. Underneath the coat was clearly a short, tight black skirt and knee-high leather boots emphasising long, shapely legs. Topping off the outfit was a top hat with some kind of net over the eyes and black leather gloves.

"Oh my god, that's ... what is she doing?"

Clark stared, gobsmacked as Lois stood confidently on the stage, clutching the microphone, waiting for the music to start. He continued to stare as she launched into Man, I Feel Like A Woman, by Shania Twain. Lois was a dedicated Whitesnake fan. She'd even made a pillow out of a t-shirt she'd bought at a concert, but the song just appealed to her sense of humour.

The crowd went wild. Lois was practically jumping around the stage, acting out each lyric of the song. All he could think as he watched was she was a hell of a woman and there was no way he was going to let any of the guys in the audience currently ogling her get a good look at her. Lois Lane was all his and he was going to tell her that as soon as he could get her off that damn stage.

Lana grabbed him before he could give in to his impulse.

"Don't you dare ruin this for her," she hissed.

"Huh?"

"Look, I get it. You care about her, but so what if a couple of guys are drooling over her. You might be the most powerful guy in the universe, but there's a lot to be said for woman power, and Lois is just having a little fun with it."

"I wasn't ..." he began to protest, but Lana sent him a look which could freeze the burning fires of Hell. He sighed and shrugged, backing off. Lana looked relieved and relaxed. Just as Lois finished her song, Clark's super-hearing kicked in.

_You wait, they want a big bang I'll give them a big bang. They'll be sorry._

Clark clutched Lana's arm. She looked at him, startled.

"What is it?"

"We've got trouble." He quickly told her what he'd overheard.

She sighed. "Unbelievable."

"What?"

"I swear, you two can't go anywhere without trouble following."

Clark rolled his eyes, glancing toward the stage where a new contestant appeared to be dancing hip-hop style. He pushed Lana in the direction of the backstage area.

"Clark, you can't go back there!" Lana whispered.

"Fine. Then you go. Tell Lois we've got a problem."

"How do you know what you overheard was a threat?"

"Just go, Lana!" he hissed.


	11. Chapter 10

Lois was changing into sweats when Lana came in, a weirded-out expression on her face.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You know, I forgot how annoying he can be when he does that."

"You've lost me," Lois said.

Lana sat beside her, watching her take the stage make-up off, handing her wipes.

"Clark. He overheard something and thinks there might be trouble."

"What kind of trouble?"

"Like someone's threatening the competition." She shook her head. "Now I remember why it used to annoy me when he came out with these things or just disappeared on me."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Lois answered. "Before I knew the truth, it really used to piss me off. Especially when we'd be in the middle of a discussion, I'd turn around and suddenly he wouldn't be there. I hated that. But I guess I've learned over the years to trust him when he does tell me something's up."

She wiped her face with the towel, frowning at her reflection.

"Ugh, now I remember why I hate make-up so much. I can never get rid of the stuff around my eyes."

"Yeah, waterproof eyeliner and mascara is a bitch to get off." Lana grabbed a bottle and dabbed some on a Kleenex. "Turn around. I'll do it."

Lois sat patiently while Lana gently wiped her eyes. Not for the first time, she wondered why Lana was doing this.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Fire away."

"What really happened between you and Clark?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know when Chloe married Jimmy, sorry, Henry, you came back from wherever you'd been and it was like he'd been hit over the head by a two-by-four. I mean, I remember how broken up he was when you left after the whole Brainiac thing."

"Yeah, I know. I mean, leaving ... part of it wasn't my choice, but when I woke up from the catatonia, I just remember my head was a total mess. I guess I was pretty much a mess that whole year. I was obsessed with getting back at Lex for what he did to me and then Tess kidnapping me under Lex's orders – in a lot of ways I think I was hurting Clark more than helping him. I spent a lot of time those months I was away trying to get my head straight. That was one of the reasons I found Carter Bowfry. I wanted to be stronger, you know, emotionally. He helped me get my head straight and I thought I could use that to help Clark. When I came back for Chloe's wedding it was like I'd changed but he hadn't. Not really. But that was the thing. He didn't need to change."

"So what happened?"

Lana put down the tissue and sighed.

"Well, we ended up having a long talk about the things that had happened over that year and realised that we weren't all that good for each other. Not as a couple. You know that expression: 'a man is judged by the company he keeps'?"

Lois nodded. She had heard that expression from her father many times. When she had mentioned Clark a few times the general had snorted in disapproval. He thought Clark was a lazy no-hoper because Lois got most of the by-lines in the paper. Never mind the fact that he was usually there right along with her when he wasn't being Superman, and that he let her have the by-lines because he didn't want there to be any doubt about a conflict of interest.

"Anyway," Lana was saying. "I kind of took it to the extreme. I mean, my whole life, I'd thought that everyone saw me as that little girl on the cover of Time Magazine, and that was how I behaved. Then when I was with Whitney, then Jason and Lex, and even Clark, I started to define myself by their expectations. Carter helped me realise that I had never really figured out who I was. I was never my own person."

She smiled softly at Lois.

"I think that's why you two are so great together, because you are your own person. You've always had your own moral code, your own strength of conviction and I think Clark needs that."

Lois sighed. "I don't know. I mean, I love Clark, really I do. I just, I get so caught up in my work ... Besides, it's not like Clark ever really made any moves before."

"That's because you made it so hard for him," Lana admonished her gently. "I get it. I mean, you're one of the most compassionate people I know and you're bright and funny but you put up these walls around you that make it really hard to break through. You know, when I first met you, I did think you were kind of obnoxious and a little closed-off but it wasn't until I got to know you that I saw the beautiful person you really are."

"You really thought I was closed-off?"

"A little," her friend admitted. "Lo, I'm not saying I was right, but it was just the image you projected. You were very protective of yourself, I guess, but you know, the only time I saw you coming out of your shell was when you and Clark were together."

"I still don't get why ..."

"Look, Clark can be a real dunce when it comes to love and relationships. Let's face it, he does get kind of nervy and he's not that great at taking the initiative."

"He did last night," Lois confided. "He kissed me." She frowned. "But, I don't know. I mean, is all this happening now because of the make-over or ..."

"I know this is gonna sound a little out there, Lo, but for some men a woman who is confident in her sexuality is like waving a red flag at a bull. Clark's never had a problem with seeing you as a woman. I mean, I've had enough conversations with him to know he's felt this way about you for a long time. I think it's partly because the clothes you wore before were your way of telling him you weren't ready to let him in. Now I think you are."

"You know, Lana, I think you'd make a great counsellor. You really see people."

"Well, that's something that's come from experience. Trust me, I've had a lot of it." She glanced at her watch. "We better go. Clark wants to meet at Watchtower."

Lois hopped off the stool. Contestants weren't supposed to be able to leave the hotel but this was important.


	12. Chapter 11

"So what's going on?" Lois asked, walking into Watchtower.

Clark looked at her. She was wearing sweats which, instead of looking bulky, clung to her curves. He looked away, not wanting to get distracted with lustful thoughts.

"Uh," he said, aware he was reddening, "so I've been checking out some of the contestants and the pageant organisers. A few misdemeanours but nothing that stands out."

"Misdemeanours?"

"Traffic tickets," Tess intoned. "One girl was caught shoplifting."

"Isn't that, like, against pageant rules?" Lois asked.

"She was six years old," the A.I replied.

"Oh, well, I guess that's different. What makes you think the pageant is being threatened?" she asked Clark.

"Didn't Lana tell you?"

"Yes, but that's not the point."

"Just a gut feeling," he told her.

"Gut feeling? Since when did you become Tony DiNozzo?"

"Uh, you might be thinking about Gibbs. DiNozzo's the one who calls 'campfire'," Clark told her.

"Whatever," Lois answered, rolling her eyes. It was his fault she'd got hooked on N.C.I.S.

Chloe came down from the mezzanine floor where she'd obviously been doing something with the computers.

"Clark, much as we want to believe what you heard, it still doesn't sound like much of a threat. I mean, 'big bang'? They could be talking about fireworks for all we know."

"You didn't hear the tone," he told her.

"Oh, the tone," Lois said, nodding knowingly. "It's always in the tone." She grinned at him. "Tell me something, Clark, was the voice a man or a woman?}

"Uh, I don't know," he said, shifting under the weight of her glare. "I mean, it could have been a woman. It was kind of husky."

"Oh, that's helpful."

Clark began to protest. "Well, I didn't ..."

Lois huffed noisily, making it sound more like a growl.

"Listen, Kent, you're the one who got us into this mess, so you better be able to ..."

"Me? You're the one who screwed up on the story, Lane. If it hadn't been for you trying ..."

"Trying what, Smallville?" she said, poking him in the chest, forcing him to move backwards. "Huh? You know, if you hadn't acted like such a ..."

Clark saw Lana and Chloe look at each other and sigh. Chloe canted her head, then Lana nodded, pulling them apart.

"Okay, guys, neutral corners."

Lois grumbled as Lana pulled her aside, while Chloe sent Clark a death glare. He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, before his attention was caught by a siren in the distance.

"Uh, I think I better ..."

He blurred into his Superman costume and flew off, hearing Lois stamp her foot.

"That is so like you, Smallville! You always fly off in the middle of an argument!"

Clark continued grumbling to himself as he flew to help with the armed robbery. Once he managed to take care of that and the robbers had been arrested he decided it was better he stay away for a while.

As much as he wanted to protest it wasn't true, Lois had a point. There was usually only one way he could settle an argument and that was by flying off on some mission. He just didn't know how to handle it any other way.

The truth was, they hadn't actually messed up on the story. They'd come close to it when Lois had been recognised, but they still had managed to get the story in the end. Even if Lois could have been killed for it. Clark could understand Perry's concern though, since it wasn't the first time Lois had almost been killed while investigating for a story.

It was a couple of hours later when Clark returned to Watchtower. Chloe and Oliver were talking quietly while Chloe was doing a search on the computer. Oliver had clearly just arrived at Watchtower as he had baby Jonas in a carrier, held close to his chest. Clark bit back a chuckle at the sight.

Oliver growled at him.

"Don't even think about it, Kent," he said.

"Think about what? You look cute, really."

"Shut up. The nanny's off sick and there was no one else to babysit."

Clark just smirked at his friend. He loved to tease Oliver about how very 'hands-on' the couple were with their infant son. So Oliver wasn't exactly the most adept father, but he clearly wanted to make sure his son didn't want for anything. His friend had once said he resented his parents for all the times they'd go away on business trips, leaving him at home. When he and Chloe had talked about having a child, he had promised himself he wouldn't be like that.

Chloe looked up from the computer.

"Uh, Lois went to check in with Perry," she said. "I would steer clear of her for a while though. She's still mad at you."

"Yeah, I figured. Uh, so what are you researching?"

"Looking into some of the people involved with the pageant. Did you know there are rumours of a huge shake-up behind the scenes?"

"No. Anything concrete?"

"Nothing yet, but I think Lois has an idea about that."

"Like what?"

"I think you better ask her that. Later though. Right now Lana and Bruce wanted to go through the interview stage with her."

"Lois knows how to do an interview," he told his friend.

"Yeah, but I doubt she's actually been on the other side of it," Oliver replied. "And you know Lois with her bad habit of putting her foot in it."

Clark grimaced. He knew only too well. It wasn't that Lois did it on purpose, per se. She was just one of those people who weren't shy about saying what they thought. It was one of the things that had drawn him to her from the start. Or rather, one of the things that had antagonised him in the beginning. She was much like her father, who preferred straight-talking.

He just hoped she listened to Lana and Bruce.


	13. Chapter 12

Lois sighed as she walked the stage wearing yet another evening gown and heels so high she thought she would fall flat on her face.

"Watch your posture," Lana instructed. "You need to show poise at all times."

"What's the big deal?" Lois asked. "It's only an interview."

"The interview accounts for a third of your score," Bruce said. "You want to make a good impression, don't you?"

"Who cares? I'm not even going to get in the finals."

"Not with that attitude," the Gotham billionaire observed.

She looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"You really think I have a chance ..."

"Oh yeah, if you can keep that mouth shut, you're a shoo-in."

Lois glowered at him, then made her way to the high stool and sat down. Lana frowned at her.

"Gracefully."

"I'm sorry, I left my graceful in my other dress."

"Lo," her friend said.

"All right, all right."

She got off the stool and stalked off the stage, sighing, then returned, trying to walk as if she had a book balanced on her head, exactly as she'd seen in the video footage of the pageants Lana and Chloe had shown her.

It seemed so silly when she'd been watching. Lois had mocked every second of it, especially when the winners started crying, the tears causing their mascara to run. Lois just couldn't understand how they could get so emotional over something so stupid. The other girls had just rolled their eyes at her cynicism.

She crossed the stage to the stool and tried to sit gracefully, which was kind of hard since the top of the stool was above her waist. Still, she could tell from Lana's face that she had made a good attempt.

"Now, remember, hands folded in the lap, cross your legs and smile," Bruce said.

Lois dearly wanted to poke her tongue out at him.

"Now, your first question. Why are you here?"

Lois stared at him. "Uh, what?"

Bruce glanced at Lana, then sighed.

"Lo, you can't say what? You can say I beg your pardon or excuse me, but not what. It's not ladylike."

"Oh, well, excuse me, Miss Manners. I was just ..."

"Yeah, I know why you were just," Bruce answered. "Trust me, this question could come up."

"I do know how to do an interview," she said defensively.

"You know how to conduct an interview," he reminded her. "It's a whole different ball game when you're the other side of it. Now answer this question like it's a real question."

"What difference does it make why I'm here?" she grumbled. "I'm here because Perry ordered me to."

"Yeah, the judges are not going to consider that an answer. You'll be thrown off the stage quicker than you can blink."

Lois hunched her shoulders and sighed heavily.

"You're not taking this seriously," Bruce growled.

She glowered at him. "Bruce, I'm tired. I have barely slept in two days, I'm in this stupid dress," she added, lifting the skirt and letting it flop down again, "and you want me to come up with intelligent answers to inane questions. I don't care why I'm here, okay?"

"Damn it, Lane, do you have no pride?"

"What?"

"Look at you. Clark was right last night. Before you were a train wreck. Okay, you have enough baggage under your eyes for an airport, but you're a beautiful woman. Or you would be if you would just take some pride in yourself."

"I'm not a performing monkey in heels!"

"Lo, we're just trying to ..." Lana interjected.

"You're also a person," Bruce continued as if Lana hadn't spoken. "An incomplete one at that."

"Oh well, excuse me," she began, but he raised his hand.

"I'm not finished. Lois, I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself. At where you've been and where you're going, because if you keep going the way you are you will not have any friends. Instead of dates, you have interviews. Instead of relationships you have sarcasm."

"I have sarcasm? When every word out of your mouth is dripping in disdain? Me? Sarcasm?"

"There are reasons why I do what I do and you know what they are."

"Yeah, I get it. Batman doesn't have time for relationships, except for crazy Catwoman."

"My relationship with Selina is none of your business."

"And my relationships are none of yours," she shot back. "I have a job. A real job, that I care about. I don't have time for anything else."

"What about Clark?" Lana asked.

"What about him? You know, he's got two jobs. What does he need me for?"

Lana and Bruce looked at each other, sighing. Lois got off the stool.

"We're not done here," Bruce growled. "Get back here, Lane."

"Screw you, Wayne!" she said, stalking off.

XXXXX

Clark knew he probably shouldn't have been hanging around, but the earlier argument with Lois had him worrying about her. They usually bickered, even at work, but this felt like it had been more than that. As soon as he'd heard her tirade against Bruce and Lana he knew for sure that something was bothering her.

He hadn't expected her to crash headlong into him though.

"What? Goddamnit, Smallville! Warn me when you're gonna do something like that."

"Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay," she said, walking away from him. "Just leave me alone."

"I can't do that, Lois."

"Sure you can. Just, you know, up, up and away yourself."

"Lois ..."

"Clark, I really don't want to fight about this right now. I just ..." She sighed and shrugged. "I quit."

She turned away from him and began walking away again.

"He got to you, didn't he?"

She stopped and turned around.

"What?"

"Bruce."

"He didn't get to me. Oh, what the hell do you know?"

Clark wrapped his arms around her and held her. He could feel her shoulders shaking as she started to cry. It took a lot to make her cry.

"Come on," he said, rising slowly into the air. She struggled in his arms.

"Clark, no, you can't ..." she began in protest but he ignored her.

He flew to the farm. It was the only place he knew where Lois had felt at peace with herself. The fight seemed to have gone out of her as he set her down on the couch. He zipped up the stairs and grabbed his football shirt, then returned and helped her put it on.

Clark sat next to her, putting an arm around her.

"Lo, what is this really about?"

"It doesn't matter. I quit. I'm not going back. Find someone else. Get Cat to do it. I don't care."

"Honey, you know I can't ask Cat to do it. Bruce has gone out on a limb for us to just get us, I mean you, in the pageant."

"Don't try and guilt me, Smallville. It's not going to work."

"What exactly did Bruce say that upset you?"

"It's not just Bruce, it's ..." She sighed. "Am I really that hard to be with?"

"What do you mean?"

"Lana. She said I made it hard for you to ..."

"To what?"

"Ask me out."

"Lo, Lana's my friend, but she doesn't know what she's talking about."

"Doesn't she? Because I think she's right. I think sometimes I just come across as completely closed off and I get it. I'm high maintenance."

Well, he supposed Lana did have a point. Lois did take a lot of looking after sometimes but that was because she was passionate about what she did, and there was nothing wrong with that. Yes, it meant she got into trouble, but he was used to that, because she didn't hold back when she was standing up for something she believed in. It was one of the things he loved about her.

"Okay, maybe you are high maintenance, but I've never had a problem with that."

"So why have you never ... I mean, if you like me like Lana says you do why have you never ..."

Clark sighed softly. "I guess I just figured you weren't ready. And there just never seemed to be the right time."

"Why not?"

"Well, we both got too busy, and I have to admit I did try a couple of times but you always gave me the impression you didn't want to talk about it."

"So it is me," she said, sounding like she wanted to cry. "Am I not pretty enough?"

"Lo, you're beautiful. I've always thought that."

She leaned back against the cushion, sighing.

"I guess maybe she's right. I guess I just got so caught up in trying to get ahead at the Planet I stopped knowing how to have fun. It's just ... sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be enough for you. Like, maybe you need someone who's more your equal. You know, like with super powers. Like Diana."

Clark frowned at her. "You think I'd be more compatible with Wonder Woman? Lo, she and I, we're just friends."

"Yeah, but she has powers."

"That doesn't make her my equal, Lo. Besides, she's in love with Steve Trevor."

"But don't I just get in your way? I mean, let's face it, I get into trouble more times than I can count and you always have to come rescue me."

"Lo, you're not in my way. You're by my side."

She still seemed resistant.

"What about my parents?" she asked.

"What about them?"

"My mom always hated when my dad had to go off on missions. It was like he was always leaving us behind. I mean, I got it. His career was more important to him than his family."

"I don't think he felt that way, Lo."

"He hates you."

"He doesn't hate me. He just doesn't know me."

"He hates Superman, though."

"He doesn't know Superman either. Lo, do you think because your saw your dad putting his job first that I'll do the same?"

"Won't you?"

"No, Lois, because you're more important to me than anything. Even than being Superman."

"Why?"

Clark looked deep into her eyes, gently rubbing her hand with his thumb.

"Because you are the one person who reminds me what it's like to be human, and ... because I love you. I always have, Lois."

She stared at him incredulously, then her mouth lifted in a sly smile.

"I knew it. You love me. You wanna date me, you wanna kiss me, you wanna ..."

Clark kissed her, cutting her off. She wrapped her arms around him as he deepened the kiss, lowering her to the couch.

They lay on the floor afterwards, covered only in the rug Clark had managed to pull from the back of the couch before he fell asleep. They lay that way until dawn began to break, curled in each other's arms.

"I still don't know if I can do this pageant," she said.

He sat up slightly, leaning on one elbow to look down at her with a soft smile.

"You can, Lois. You're smart, funny, not to mention gorgeous. You can do anything you put your mind to."

"But Bruce ..."

"Forget Bruce. Look, I know he can be cynical and obnoxious but you just have to not let him get to you."

"Easier said than done."

"I'll talk to him, if you'd like me to," he offered.

"No, that's okay. You've got your work cut out for you trying to figure out who's threatening the pageant."

Clark had almost forgotten about that.

"Do you think you could talk to the girls? See if you can find out more?"

"I can try," she said.

She sat up and began putting her clothes on.

"I should get back to the hotel. I'll need to show up for breakfast. We have the swimsuit competition today and then the interviews."

"Okay. I'll take you back."

They dressed quickly and Clark flew her back to the complex. He paused at the door of her room, giving her a brief kiss.

"I'll see you later," she said softly.


	14. Chapter 13

Lois pulled the wrap around her as she entered the dressing room for the swimsuit competition. The entire room was crowded with contestants preparing. She grimaced, thinking about the two-piece she was wearing. Okay, so it wasn't like she hadn't been in a swimsuit before but she preferred something with a little, no a lot less exposure.

She inched forward, trying not to be noticed by the other girls, who were really far too occupied with their own costumes to worry about her.

A hand touched her shoulder and she jumped, whirling.

"Lana," she said.

"You look a little freaked," Lana replied. "You okay? You sort of took off on us last night."

"Yeah, I'm okay. I just ... I met Clark and we had a long talk. Well, we kind of did a lot more than talk."

Lana's eyes widened. "Really? Lo, that's great! I'm so happy for you!"

"Well, it's kind of ..." She couldn't help it. She broke out in a smile so bright the rest of the girls in the room would have been blinded had they been looking in her direction. "It was amazing, Lana. I mean, it wasn't like there was any fanfare; it just sort of happened so naturally."

Lana hugged her quickly. "See? He adores you!"

Lois nodded. She got that now.

"Well, anyway," Lana said, changing the subject. "I had a little talk with Bruce after you left and told him not to be such a butthead."

Lois giggled and snorted. "You said butthead!" she laughed.

"Yeah, I did," Lana answered, starting to laugh. "You know what that reminds me of? Remember that tv show they did when we were kids?"

Lois looked at her friend in surprise.

"Nell used to let you watch that?"

Lana shook her head. "Oh hell no. I had to sneak out so I could watch it with a friend. Nell would have been horrified."

Lois kept giggling, getting a picture of Bruce as an immature, sex-obsessed teenager.

"So, if Bruce is Butt-Head, does that make you Beavis?" she laughed.

"Nah, I'd be Diarrhea!" The two girls continued laughing for a few moments. The activity around them increased as the pageant director announced five minutes to show-time.

"Better get ready," Lois said, feeling butterflies in her stomach.

"Clark's going to be in the audience," Lana told her. "You okay with that?"

"I think that'll make it easier," she answered, then grimaced. "Although I'm still not sure about wearing this thing." She opened the wrap to look down at the two-piece. The bikini briefs were camouflaged by a short skirt.

"Don't worry, you look great, but here, you might want to use this."

Lana handed her a small tube. Lois looked at it.

"Haemorrhoid cream?"

"For the bags under your eyes," Lana told her. "It really works."

Lois shrugged. "Okay, I trust you."

Lana took something else out of her bag of tricks and began shaking it. Lois could see what it was from the reflection in the mirror.

"Oh goody, hairspray," she said. "Something I recognise." She wasn't prepared for the sudden sting on her legs. "Lana, what the hell?"

"Don't worry, it just stops the suit from riding up."

"Riding up where?" she asked.

Lana sent her a look full of meaning.

"Oh," Lois answered.

"Ladies ..." the director called. Lana gave Lois another quick hug.

"Good luck," she said.

Lois followed the other girls out and waited for her cue to take her place on the stage. She walked with confidence, her head held high as she made it to the end of the runway. Clark was sitting two rows from the front with an encouraging smile on his face. He winked at her and mouthed 'I love you' to her. Lois felt warmth suffuse her body and she answered his smile with one of her own, wanting to say the same back to him. She turned and headed back to the other side of the stage and paused to pose once more. As she did so, she saw Lex at the judging table. His expression was cool, but he clearly recognised her. For a moment his mask slipped as he saw the way she looked and Lois got the impression he appreciated what he saw.

"Ew," she said to herself, just managing to maintain her poise long enough to return backstage.

XXXXX

Clark watched her disappear backstage to prepare for the second part of the event. He was so proud of her. So what if this was just another assignment Perry had made them do. Lois had taken on the challenge and she was amazing.

He felt someone slip in beside him and looked around.

"She looks good," Bruce said. "I have to admit I didn't think she could pull this off but she's really risen to the challenge."

"Yeah, she has."

"So what happened to you last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"You and Lois?" Bruce seemed to be implying that he'd seen Clark take off with Lois

"Nothing happened," Clark shrugged. Bruce looked at him steadily.

"You slept with her, didn't you?" he accused.

Clark flushed uncomfortably.

"Yeah? So what if I did?"

"You haven't even taken her to a monster truck rally," Bruce chuckled. "Even Selina made me take her out to dinner before she'd put out."

"Well, Lois is not Selina, and besides, we've known each other for years. That counts for something, right?" He scowled at his friend. "I don't have to justify myself to you."

"Fine, whatever." Bruce pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Chloe found this and thought you might be interested. She didn't want to take the chance of sending it to your phone."

Clark glanced at the image on the screen. It was a photo of Cheryl at some protest march.

"She fits the profile. Introverted. Loner."

"That doesn't mean anything," he said.

"Not by itself, no, but maybe your girl can do a little more digging."

"She knows what she's doing."

"Good. I hope so. Enjoy the rest of the show."

Clark watched Bruce leave, then sat low in his seat, trying to maintain the facade of the nerdy Clark Kent, pushing his glasses up to sit on the bridge of his nose. No one seemed to be paying him any attention.

The swimsuit part of the competition was over and the master of ceremonies announced it was time for the interview stage of the competition. Clark vaguely recognised the man as a personality on local television but didn't pay much attention to the man's routine as he tried to entertain the audience with a few one-liners.

Once again, the girls emerged in formation, this time dressed in evening gowns. Lois looked stunning in a black halter necked gown. Clark kept his gaze on her, knowing she would be looking for him in the audience. He tried to send her another encouraging smile as she posed and made her way to the edge of the stage to wait for her turn to be interviewed.

He waited with bated breath as the emcee began asking the girls a question in turn, then found himself holding it as Lois' turn came up.

"Miss Lowell County, some might say superheroes like Superman are taking jobs away from our local police force. What is your opinion?"

Lois hesitated for just a second, then glanced toward Clark, who wondered if the question had been posited by Lex to try and get a reaction out of Lois. Clark certainly wouldn't have put it past him. He was so proud of her when she kept her cool and calmly answered the question.

"I would have to say that superheroes play an important role in our society. Rather than superseding the role of our local authorities I believe they are here to guide us into making our planet a better world."

Clark let out his breath, relieved.

"Thank you, Miss Lowell County."

Lois smiled brightly, her gaze still ahead of her. "Thank you, Stan," she said before going to join the contestants who had already been interviewed.

Another girl stepped forward for her interview. It was Cheryl.

"Describe your perfect date."

Clark groaned quietly as the girl giggled.

"That's a tough one. I would have to say April 25th because it's not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket."

The girl looked mortified as she realised what she said. Clark felt sorry for her as she slunk off, embarrassed. If Cheryl was behind the threat to the pageant then he would eat his shorts.


	15. Chapter 14

Lois waited on tenterhooks as she stood with the other girls waiting for the judges to make their decision on the elimination round. She didn't really care if she made it into the top twenty, or even the top five. She had made her point and things with her and Clark had definitely progressed on the relationship front.

Still, when her name was called, she was excited and stunned at the same time. She remembered enough to maintain her poise as she posed with the other semi-finalists but as soon as she was backstage she hugged the stuffing out of Lana.

"I made it through the elimination round, can you believe it?" she practically squealed.

"Sure I can, Lo," Lana said. "I knew you could do it if you set your mind to it."

"i owe it all to you and Chloe," Lois told her friend. "And Bruce, too, I guess."

"Well, I for one am impressed," another voice said.

Lois looked around. Lex Luthor was standing in the wings, looking her over. Lois fought back a shudder.

"I thought judges weren't allowed backstage," she growled.

"Well, since I actually finance the pageant, I mean, scholarship program, I think they can make an exception for me."

"What do you want, Lex?" Lana said, her tone dripping with hostility.

"I just wanted to congratulate Miss Lovell," he said, his gaze sweeping over Lois' figure.

"Yeah, I'm sure that was all you were here to do."

"Careful, Lana," he said, as the two girls tried to brush past him. "I'd hate for the other judges to learn the truth about our little agreement."

"Mr ... Mr Luthor," Clark's deep voice cut in. He was pretending to stammer like the mild-mannered reporter he was supposed to be. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"Mr Kent," Lex said coldly. "I wasn't aware they allowed the press backstage."

"He's not here as press," Lois answered, taking Clark's hand. "He's here as my boyfriend."

She sent Luthor a scathing look, daring him to say another word. Lex shot Clark a vicious look but turned away.

"Damn it," Lana said, sounding annoyed. "He's never going to let you in the final round."

Lois shook her head at her friend. "It doesn't matter," she said. "Because I've already won," she added, giving Clark a loving smile and squeezing his hand.

She had definitely won the top prize, she thought as she went to change out of the gown and back into sweats. By the time she returned, Clark and Lana were in deep conversation but as soon as she entered he looked up at her and smiled.

"What were you two talking about?" she asked.

"Actually, your friend Cheryl," Lana said. "Clark says she was part of some protest group."

"Cheryl?" Lois cocked an eyebrow in surprise. "You sure we're talking about the same girl?"

"Only one way to find out," Clark told her, reminding her of the plan they'd made earlier that morning.

"Yeah, you're right." She stood on tiptoe to give him a quick kiss. "Why don't you go do what you do best."

"You're the boss," he said, grinning.

"Damn right I am, Smallville!"

He grasped her arm before she could pull away and kissed her hard, his hand slipping down to squeeze her butt cheek.

"What's that for?" she asked.

"Just a promise," he returned.

Lois was conscious of Lana watching them with a big smile on her face. Lois smacked his backside.

"You are a very bad man, Clark Kent." She grinned. "I'll get you for that later."

"You promise?" he answered.

The other girls in their group were working out in the hotel gym when Lois walked in carrying a box of pizza. They gasped audibly as she passed them, then got off the cross-trainers and treadmills, following the scent of the pizza.

"Hey, Harper, how are you doing?" she said, stopping next to the pool where Cheryl sat, looking depressed.

"How can you ask that? You heard my interview." Cheryl said glumly as she looked up at her. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail and her sweats looked baggy. She complained about her horrible interview comparing it to a character from a movie about an autistic savant which won several Academy Awards and had become synonymous with the stereotypical view of autism.

She tried to cheer up the other girl by turning it into a joke which managed at least to raise a smile. She gestured toward the pizza and the beer she was holding.

"Come and have a midnight snack with me and some girl talk."

Cheryl looked scandalised, her eyes wide, even as she looked longingly at the pizza.

"We can't have pizza and beer."

"Sure we can," Lois said encouragingly.

"Do you know how many calories ..." Charlotte began.

"Oh come on, one night of it won't kill the diet," Lois answered. "C'mon," she said to Cheryl.

Reluctantly Cheryl followed as Lois sat down and opened the box before taking a slice.

"Cheryl, don't," the other girls admonished.

"At least scrape off the toppings."

It wasn't long before all the girls succumbed to the deliciously cheesy pizza. Lois quickly realised they were going to need more and decided to take them all out to a nightclub which also served food. The bouncer wasn't going to let them at first but if there was one thing Lois had learned over the past couple of days it was how to charm a bouncer.

They spent the first hour or so dancing in a group, the girls getting steadily drunker on jello shots and drinks in what looked like test-tubes. Lois managed to pull Cheryl away to their table.

Cheryl waved her empty tube as the waitress asked if they wanted another round.

"You know, it's funny, this is my third one and I don't feel a thing."

Lois doubted that. The drinks were lethal. Even she was feeling light-headed and she'd spent much of her teenage years able to drink any marine under the table.

"Really?" she said instead.

"Like when I did my interview question," Cheryl answered glumly.

"Yeah, well don't worry, we all sucked."

"You didn't."

That was because she'd had a quick coaching from Lana beforehand. Lana had told her to take a deep breath and tune everything else out while she thought of her answer. She'd had the feeling the question itself had been a deliberate attempt to get a rise out of her and she had managed to keep her cool.

"I had such a great answer to that too," Cheryl said.

The other girls crowded around, picking up their drinks from the waitress as Cheryl sighed.

"My idea of a perfect date would be a man who takes me to a romantic dinner, then we walk along the beach barefoot, discussing books and music and movies," she said brightly.

"No wonder you're still a virgin," Donna said caustically. Lois shot her a look.

Donna rolled her eyes and shrugged. A new song came through the speakers and Charlotte squealed.

"I love this song!"

"You know, I think I'm gonna sit this one out," Lois answered as the others decided to take to the dance floor once more. "Cheryl?"

The blonde was practically swaying on her feet.

"Yeah, I think I'll sit this one out too." She watched as they left, then smiled at Lois. "This is fun. I'm glad we got to have some fun."

"Yeah, so much fun it should be illegal," Lois answered.

"Can I ask you something?" Cheryl said.

"You already did, but, hey," Lois returned with a shrug and a smile.

"Did you really steal a jeep one time?"

"Sure did," she said.

"I could never do anything like that," the blonde told her, shaking her head.

"Never?" she asked, realising this was the opening she'd been waiting for. "You've never done anything ..."

"Well, this one time, I was shopping with my mom in a department store and I stole red underwear. My mom wouldn't let me buy them because she said they were Satan's panties."

Lois bit back a laugh. Obviously Cheryl's parents were ultra-conservative and probably so deeply religious they would have that view. It was no wonder Cheryl was so introverted.

Her friend went on to explain that while in college she had been dating a guy who had joined a protest group and she had been dragged along to a march, made to hold up a sign. There had been a photograph in the campus newspaper which had shocked Cheryl's parents into forbidding her from seeing the young man again.

She was in the middle of telling Lois another story of being attacked by a professor at the same college when she passed out. Lois beckoned to one of the other girls to help her get Cheryl to the bathroom so she could at least get her conscious enough to walk her back to the hotel.

"She's so trashed," Donna snickered.

"Yeah, we should get her back to the hotel before Ms Roberts finds out," another girl said.

Charlotte shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"She's always got a boot up her ass about something."

Lois frowned at her. "What?"

"You never heard the rumours?" Charlotte confided. "When she was in her pageant, lessee, back in, um, '97, she was like runner-up, but then the winner mysteriously got food poisoning."

"Bizarro," Donna interjected.

"Yeah, and Stan told me she got a letter a few weeks ago from LeXCorp saying she was fired as director. Like, this is her last pageant. She told Stan that if she was gonna go out, she was gonna go with a bang."

Lois frowned at Charlotte. This was something she needed to tell Clark and Bruce.


End file.
